Why Is Santa So Stinkin' Jolly?

The following is a last minute quarter-term paper for a writing class I took. And when I say last-minute, I MEAN last-minute. Upon re-reading, however, it struck my fancy. Well, at least, the 2nd paragraph is worth a read. :)

"Jolly Old Saint Nick"

Still Smiling After All These Years of Hard Work… How Does He Do It? And WHY?

"Jolly old Saint Nicholas," they call him. So why is he so jolly, you ask? Well, That smile he wears beneath his snowy white beard could be one of joy and satisfaction; your parents and preschool teachers probably told you that it was the joy of giving alone that kept him smiling. But maybe there's something else behind that grin. Maybe he's just happy not to be lounging around the North Pole for one day of the year. Or… well, one of the many Christmas carols bearing his name continues past the age-old moniker to ask him…

"…Lean your ear this way!
Don't you tell a single soul
What I'm going to say…"

Judging from this, I'd say that it could very well be a knowing smile. Yet another carol, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," provides us with more evidence of his apparent omniscience. Could it be all the things he knows that keep his "droll little mouth"1 pushed upward into a smirk?

First off, you would have to have a good sense of humor to do a job like his. Imagine being holed up in the North Pole for 364 days at a time - and even 365 in leap years. (Saint Nick supposedly died in 350 A.D., though we know he actually just retreated to the Arctic at that time to start his business… so take into account that he's been doing this for upwards of 1,650 years, too.) Imagine overseeing hundreds of elves, learning all their names, and trying not to step on them; living constantly in the cold, using enough Kleenex to cover the entire island of Bermuda, which is where you'd rather be; and of course, making that list and checking it once… twice… thrice… until you're reciting it in your sleep. Imagine all this for 364 days of the year, with only one - December the twenty-fourth - that you actually do your job on. The one day he's famous for is spent in a whirlwind of activity as he rushes around the globe to get all the goods delivered by morning in each time zone. If I were Santa (which I'm not… ), I'd be so excited about my one day of activity that I'd not only smile, I'd also wet myself. Okay, maybe not quite that thrilled… but it must get horribly boring at the top of the world. It may be hard to imagine Santa being bored, with all the work that goes into the toy-making up there; but that's what the elves are there for. And all except for Rudolph's "clay-mation" friend, Hermy (the one with dental aspirations), they seem to enjoy it. This leaves the Big Man plenty of time to do nothing - teach the reindeer new tricks, brush up on his "Ho-Ho-Ho"-ing, you know, that sort of thing. I can just picture him fighting boredom by binging on cookies, milk, fudge, hot chocolate, cheese… and then getting chased around by Mrs. Claus when she discovers that he's been slipping all his vegetables to the reindeer whenever she turns her back. That many centuries of the same thing could put a lot of stress on a marriage. Maybe he's secretly glad to be away from his nagging wife for a few hours, with plenty of sweets awaiting him at each stop.

Then again, maybe it's all the sweets that make him so jovial. The "Sugar High" has long been a myth among parents and children alike, especially those in need of an excuse for their energy. Could it be that Santa is yearly proof of this phenomenon? If he eats nothing but sugary foods for 24 hours, he's likely to get quite a kick from it whether the "Sugar High" theory is true or not.

Of course, there's always the possibility that he's gone slightly mental after all these years and that he's smiling simply because he's completely off his rocker… but I think he's smiling because of all the secrets he has behind that silly grin of his. The human psyche is wonderfully intriguing, with all of its whims and dreams and subconscious desires - and he seems to be able to pick out many of them. Ever forget to address that letter to Santa when you were younger, and then magically get the gift anyway the next month? I'd say he called on his mind-reading abilities when he realized he had no requests from you yet. And even if your letter did make it all the way north - would YOU spend your whole year reading the billions of letters kids had sent you? I think not. It'd be much easier and more efficient to already know their contents! A verse from the carol "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" reads as follows:

"He sees you when you're sleeping,
He knows when you're awake,
He knows when you've been bad or good
so be good for goodness' sake!..."

Besides making him sound like a stalker (which he almost has to be… they don't call him Father Christmas for nothing), the song claims that he's constantly aware of where you are and what you're doing. What you're thinking logically follows. Those who think it's a ludicrous idea can go about their naughty business, but they better be ready to find a nasty lump of coal in their stocking after he makes his rounds. I could definitely see him smirking at that ("Ha-ha! Serves you right!" …or something along those lines), but is it possible he's laughing at all the other ridiculous things going on in our heads?

Or maybe it really is the simply joy of giving that keeps him so fat and jolly. Finally delivering the last present of six billion has got to be fulfilling somehow, but just between you and me, I think he enjoys the escape more. Be it a smile of joy, relief, keen understanding or mild insanity, something keeps "His droll little mouth… drawn up like a bow."(1) Regardless of the motivation behind his cheeky grin, though… maybe someone should leave him a certificate for a free vacation in the Bahamas instead of cookies next Christmas.

(1). Moore, Clement Clark. "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" or "Account of a visit from Saint Nicholas" ca. 1823